SpiritSong
High-Conflict Divorce and Co-Parent Coaching

When we talk about generational trauma, we often stop with our parents or grandparents. But what about their parents? And theirs? We are not as far removed from this history as we imagine.

Many states require mediation before trial, especially when child custody is disputed. In theory, mediation can be a useful tool when both parties are reasonable and acting in good faith.

Over time, children exposed to exploitativeness may internalize the belief that their worth is tied to what they provide rather than who they are. They learn to monitor, manage, and accommodate adult emotions to preserve connection.

In short, manipulation is the knock-out punch after the emotional erosion of minimization. If minimization makes you doubt your reality, manipulation tells you what to do with that doubt.

The parallels between what’s happening in our nation and what happens to victims of abuse in family court are stark.

Minimization slowly erodes your confidence in perceiving what’s happening to and around you. For victims of coercive control, it often happens in private, with no one else around to validate your experience.

Over time, invalidation conditions you to silence yourself, doubt yourself, or even apologize for having feelings. It slowly erodes your ability to trust your own instincts and may even leave you asking yourself if you really are going crazy.

“He was ‘just joking.’ He was ‘just teasing.’ He was ‘just stressed.’ But the truth? He was dismissing you. And dismissiveness is never harmless—it’s a tool of control.”

Do the work to identify your own core wounds and heal the version of you that ended up in the abusive relationship in the first place.

He doesn't value you. You told him what you needed and he told you that you were wrong. Silly. Your kids are watching all of this.

You're never special to a narcissist. You're a tool. And if you think you're going to be rewarded for loyalty, you're also a fool. You were fooled, Sarah, and you've made a fool of the people who voted for you.

The bottom line is that our patriarchal society was built on selling codependency as a virtue.

The truth is I've been struggling as well. The collision of this second term with other big traumas, triggers, and life events has me altern

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