M is for Minimization: The DIMMER model of coercive control.

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re overreacting.”

Sound familiar? If so, you’ve likely experienced minimization—the “M” in the DIMMER model of coercive control. On the surface, dismissiveness, invalidation, and minimization can seem similar, and there is some overlap. But there’s a key distinction:

• Dismissiveness disregards your feelings or concerns altogether.

• Invalidation tells you your feelings or perspective are wrong.

• Minimization acknowledges your feelings but downplays them, suggesting you’re overreacting or that what happened wasn’t a big deal.

Invalidation works to dim your light.

Minimization slowly erodes your confidence in perceiving what’s happening to and around you. For victims of coercive control, it often happens in private, with no one else around to validate your experience. You start to question your judgment. Maybe I am overly emotional? Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe I don’t understand their intentions.

But the truth may be that the person is using minimization to avoid accountability and create confusion—to control how you respond to ongoing coercive control and abusive behaviors. The next time something comes up, you might not even bring it up because you’ve convinced yourself it’s easier to stay quiet.

Minimization is one of the tools abusers use to silence you. They chip away at your confidence and ability to trust your own responses. They train you to “go along to get along,” and in the process, you can lose yourself.

Here’s an example from my own experience:

I called my grandmother late one night on the way home from a cookout. My grandmother’s health was declining, and it was often hard to hear her clearly. As soon as I started talking with her, he picked up his phone and began a loud conversation with a coworker in the cab of the truck, with the kids in the backseat.

When I asked him politely to stop, explaining it was hard to hear my grandmother and it felt rude, he attacked me. “It wasn’t rude. You need to get over it.” Nothing I said made a difference. I asked again for a little respect, and he repeated that I was overreacting. He berated me for the whole 30-minute ride. My grandmother was dying, and he refused to consider my feelings.

That’s a blatant example of minimization—but it also shows up in subtle, everyday ways. You express frustration during bedtime routines, and you’re met with, “Mommy’s no fun.” You raise safety concerns about a fire, and you’re told, “Mommy’s always worried about silly things.” You break down from ongoing stress, and someone says, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re being dramatic.”

Minimization is the knock-out punch that follows the jabs of dismissiveness and invalidation. It erodes your confidence slowly, making you stop reacting, stop sharing your feelings, and stop being yourself.

If this sounds familiar, start reclaiming your truth. Recognizing these patterns is the first step in finding your voice again. Your feelings are valid, and your responses to coercive control and abusive behavior are appropriate.

Next step: Take small actions to validate your own experience—journal, speak to a trusted friend, or reach out to support networks. Rebuilding your confidence is possible, one step at a time.